this lj is almost never updated. so if there're still people out there who still come back and check for updates, your long long long wait is over. haha.

many things happened recently, but too many to mention. or perhaps i'm just used to bottling things up. well. i'm certain of what i want in life, but things never seem to go my way. it's like, there can be this most perfect thing which happened to me in my life, but everything that happens between me and this perfect thing, is nothing but perfect. some times i feel that i'm trying too hard. i guess i'm really out of 'gas' ready.

many people have the wrong perception of me.
well. i can be the greatest asshole if u're one to me.
i can find ways to screw up your life if u ever tried screwing mine.
put simply, if u're cunning, i can be more cunning.
if u're sly, i can be more sly.
that's when u'd wish our paths never crossed.
so this is to all who thinks i'm mr nice guy.

and to those who thinks i'm an asshole, u MIGHT be right.
afterall, like i said, if u're one to me, i'll be one to u too.
i've always gone the extra mile for people, but i dont need them to know.
i dont wanna elaborate, but people, please start to appreciate what others do for u.

i've done my best, and i think i deserve more than i'm getting.
but i wont fight for it anymore.
if u want it, come get it.
it's time for u to fight for what u want.
i had my turn, now, it's yours.

let me give u a lesson on life.

everyone was born a pure soul.
and the first feeling we felt when we took the first breath, was Love.
love is a very powerful word.
but people use it and throw it around like a toy.

love keeps a soul alive, and it's love which u'll be remembered for when u leave this world physically.
i want to be remembered as one who loved, not the rich and famous one, but someone who loved.
i take all relationships seriously, be it with the girl of my dreams, or with friends.
friendships are priceless.
true friends are always hard to find because people tend to be selfish.
it's probably in human nature for one to be selfish.
i must admit, i myself was selfish too. maybe still am, but i'm trying not to.
how often did u abandon ur friends so that u can get some extra sleep?
how aften did u forsake ur friends when u needed to get ur work done on time?
how often did u just cared about making money and didnt have that little time needed to spend with friends and family?
think of this, when u pass on, no one will care who much money u earned, what grades u got in school, what kind of a career u were in.
but they'll remember u for what a friend u were.
they'll remember u stayed awake through the night to accompany them so that they can get their work done.
they'll remember that u ran a marathon and dedicated that run to them.
they'll remember that u wished them "happy birthday" when it strikes 12 on their birthday.
they'll remember u for ur acts of love.

i gotta admit. i too was selfish.
i only wanted to be successful in life.
but then i realised, success is when u're able to love, and care for others.
i dont give a damn if i end up sweeping the roads.
i wont even mind, cos i know i'm happy.
i dont want to leave this world with people wanting the money i spent my whole life earning.
i want to leave this place knowing that i've given my best to love.

a special someone in my life knows, i care a lot for friends, but i've shown her greater care.
i love my friends a lot, but i love her even more.
i'd go the extra mile for friends, but i'll round the world for her.
this aint obsession, this aint lust.
this IS true love.
i dont know what'll happen in the next moment of my life.
but i know that if i were to leave this place, i must leave with her knowing i love her.
my friends gotta know how much i care.
my family gotta know how much they mean to me.
wherever i may be, everyone in my life will have a place in my heart.
no matter what happens, they'll always be remembered.

i know this may just well seem like a random entry, but i want everyone to know that life isnt just about money and work. cos when u lie in that coffin, it's not money u take with u, it's the love which u shared when u're around which u'll take along with u.

life aint that long for u to keep regretting. so before u do anything, think it through.
if u know u're gonna regret it somehow, dont do it.
i must say, i do have certain regrets in life.
but i've learnt to make the best of it.
i dont wanna regret not trying.

50, 60 years down the road. when i lie motionlessly, i want no one to shed a tear.
becos they must know that i love them, and they all got a place in my heart, and i too have a place in theirs.
no matter what happens, i'll always be there for friends, i'll always be there for u.

kinda sleepy and tired this week.
for the first time this week, i finally got my deserved sleep.
many many things happened.
but after some giving things some thought,
i realised that all my life,
i've allowed just one small event to hurt me and change me.
i duno if i can promise myself not to let it happen again.
but all is that i wanna be myself.
i was happy being myself,
i wanna continue being happy being myself.
so i hope that whatever happenes in the future that may cause me to change,
all i need is this post to remind me that i gotta be myself.
yawn..
back to sleep ready!

Current Mood: sleepy
Current Music: from yesterday - 30 seconds to mars

one letter.
that was all it took to bring tears to my eyes.
it brought back happy memories, but sad ones too.
it carried a significant message,
telling me to move on.
to find another significant one whom i'll love and cherish,
more than that i have for you.
a year on, i've not found that one.
instead, it is you i've chosen, again.
the chemistry we shared is still there.
feelings wise, stronger even.
but there's a hole growing inside my heart,
a gap in my life,
telling me something is still missing.
and when i think about it,
it's actually you who's missing.
you always wanted me by your side,
i never left.
u said in the letter,
i've always been the one putting in effort in the relationship.
but a year on,
dont u think that it hasnt changed?
i'm still the same guy whom ppl take for granted,
perhaps a little more now.
at times, i really dont see the point of giving in.
must nice guys always finish last?
if that's so, i think i better be an asshole.
at least i only need to care for one person, ME.
what has all these 'good deeds' brought me?
nothing.
i really wanna be an asshole,
but somehow each time i try to change, i cant.
when ppl need help, i'm always the first to help.
when u're down, and others cant see it,
it's me who's there trying to cheer u up.
but for myself, i stop looking for 'cheer-you-up's
now i'm keeping everything to myself.
some times u can see that i'm not myself,
but do you know that there're many more things you dont know?
as you read this, you might not even know how i feel towards you.
if you do, then pls do something about it, soon.
good things dont last forever.
cherish it while u still have it.
to friends who're reading,
dont take a good person for granted.
cos u'll regret it when u lose him/her.
some ppl may not think i'm that nice a person after all.
well true, FUCK YEA.
cos i dont give a damn about what others think.
all these while i've been myself.
but if u ppl wanna bring the fuck-up person in me,
dont regret it when that fucker surfaces.
to whoever who wrote that letter,
be clear of what you want,
i wanna fill up that gap in my life.

Current Mood: gloomy
Current Music: keith urban - tonight i wanna cry

back to the time when no one knows how i feel.
i got this happy layer outside me which no one can peel.
so that's the side of me everyone will see.
but what lies beneath it, no one will ever find out.

i still cant be an asshole, and that's hurting me. some times i really changing for the better. when u're nice, people start taking advantage of you and taking you for granted. certain things in life require taking of risks. there are many paths of life for you to choose, but ultimately, you can only pick one. it's never easy to choose, because when you choose one, you gotta forgo the others. but if u hesitate on choosing, the options available will start fading away.

i am one of those path. make a choice.

Current Mood: blank

tml will mean another year in my life is through, so it's time to do some self-reflection..


to some ppl, i may be very vulgar. i'll just say fuck as and when i like. i'm a very loud person too, i dont sit back and watch things happen, i make them happen. often, i'll get into trouble, but like i'll always say, fuck it. i will stand up for my friends any time, but some times, being Mr Nice aint that easy. people start taking me for granted, and despite mi horrible temper, i keep it to myself and let them step all over me. to close friends reading this, touch your heart and ask yourself. how often have u cancelled out on me and i said it's ok? and when u really needed someone to be there, i'm always there. i know it's unfair to me, but somehow, i cant bring myself to just leave u alone when u needed someone to be there. i treat all my friend pretty much equally. u ppl might think that my life only revolves around one person, but u can ask her, how much effort do i actually put in to meet up with u guys. i must admit, i might have cancelled out on ppl too. but i'll always meet up with them some other time instead, and i'll make sure i make it. ask yourself, those of u who are reading this. do u think it's easy being me?

i'm gonna turn 19 soon, but there's nothing to be happy about anyway. just another year of disappointment. perhaps i should start taking the road towards being Mr Asshole.

has been ages since my last post.
internet was down for pretty long.
finally had time to fix it.
collected results yesterday.
was what i expected it to be.
so yea.
only one person knows how i feel.
oh wells...

Current Mood: listless
Current Music: never took the time - akon

last night was again another unforgettable moment of my life.
the ambience, the person i was with. it was perfect.

new year resolutions 2007

1. make the best of ns while i'm at it, and achieve something out of it.

2. stick to being mself whatever the situation is.

3. make the special someone feel loved.

Current Mood: content
Current Music: matchbook romance - promise

state 5 random things about myself and tag other people. (tagged by miss sarah lois yong si hui)

1. i'm easily taken for granted.

2. my true friends dont come by easy.

3. looking forward to NS!

4. no one understands the real me!

5. i love fighting (muay thai)!!


i hereby tag...
sister &
buddy.
(you know who you are)

Current Mood: bored
Current Music: snow patrol - run